Another Tara Gilesbie Wannabe Commentary
by IHeartBlackVeilBrides
Summary: A recent fanfic has popped up, written by a huge fan of My Immortal. I'm doing a commentary of it.


Inspired by TheySeeMeTrolling and RayneTaraG, the original commentary writer and the original author. Since Rayne is a Tara wannabe (she even did a bad job of making a commentary of T.S.M.T.'s commentary), I feel the need to create my own commentary. Let's see her mock mine!

But first, I'd like to do her profile.

Everything bolded belongs to Rayne. Everything italicised is mine. Harry Potter, My Immortal, and all music belongs to neither of us.

**DIS IS DA HORRIBLE BIATCH WHO COMMENTATED ON MY SORY!**

_Way to introduce yourself. Seriously. This couldn't go at the bottom?_

** s/9617465/1/Welcome-To-The-Black-Parade-by-RayneTa raG-Commentary **_I love this work right here._

**im a goffik gurl who lks harry p & twilight if ur not goffik F OFF!**

_Nah, I think I'll stick around._

**tara rocks u shouldnt flame her we shld get her stry bck!**

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Thanks for the laugh! Do yourself a favor and pick up a real book!_

**if ur a prep or a pozr den fuk off koz ur gay!**

_That is an insult to homosexuals. And I'll take 'preps' and 'pozrs' over YOU, Tara, and Jennie anyday. *Jennie is Raven's real name, which she hates._

**Im a Satanst**

_So you sit around all day? I doubt you even practice Satanism._

**likez**_ *__Likes_**: goffikness**_ *Goths_**, stan**_ *Stan_**, blak** _*black_**, blod **_*blood_**, rok muzik**_ *rock music_**, vampires, joel madden**_ *Joel Madden_**, edard kullen**_ *Edward Cullen_**, gerard way**_ *Gerard Way._

**hatez: prepz, posers, life, flames on ma sory, flames on Tara's story, life**_ Give a break, you sorry excuse for a human being._

**Fave muzik: GC, MCR, Eveniscene, Linin prak, maliyn manson, goffik bandz, paramor**_ I ashamed to say that we have common interests._

**Ma supid parents named ma Sharon but I'm Rayne Tara. **_HA! You can't even insult your parents right! But thanks for the info, Sharon._

**TARA IS DA GODDES OF WRIITIN**_ Only in your delusional, little fantasy world._

_Here is her summary._

**Eternity Echo Pandora Agatha Shadow **_Mary-Sue _**goes 2 hgwrts. **_Learn to spell. _**she is goffik. **_*Poser. _**PREPS AND POSERS STAY OUT! **_As Tara's - the Queen of the Preps and Posers - wannabe, you, Sharon, are the Princess of all Preps and Posers. _**GO TARA GILESBIE! **_Psh. _**GO MY IMMORTAL! **_I'm actually in the middle of a My Immortal commentary right now. _**DONT FLAME DA STOREYY! **_That's asking for flames. If you don't want flames, improve not only your spelling, but your character concepts, portrayals, storyline, overall rhetoric, and do some actual Harry Potter research. _**DA NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED FROM ETERNITY ECHO PANDORA AGAATHA SHADOW IN HP**_ Don't care._

Chapter 1

**this story is about Eternity Echo Pandora Agatha Shadow in hp no flamez if ur a prep or pser then fuk off! if u hte Tara then u fuk off 2!**

_Nah, I stay here._

**i went in2 hgwrts 4 da 1st time suicidally. **_Die. _**i gt used 2 my dorm by slitting my wrists. **_Clarify how that makes any sense, whatsoever. _**my clened up nd went 2 the grate hall.**_ GREAT._

**"this is echo. dumbdore said. she is cming here frm an american schl in america. she is a 2nd yer"**

**"obsly. i said."**_ That is disrespect. She would get a detention._

**i put on the sortng hat. it said slitherin i gt my assigned sit next 2 a blnde.**_ There are no assigned seats._

**"im draco malfoy. the goffik blonde said. u bttr nawt b a poser."**_ Oh, but Sharon - I mean Echo! - is._

**"im Eternity Echo Pandora Agatha Shadow. im nt a poser or prep."**_ Liar, liar, pants on fire._

**a prep came to our tble 2 tlk 2 me.**_ To YOU? Ego, much?_

**"im Harry Potter im in love with u will u mrry me? he said."**_ No one would say that, especially to you Shar- I mean her, Echo!_

**"no im dting draco!"**_ Obsessed stalker, now, huh?_

**"wen did dat hppn? draco asked."**

**"since always duh."**

**"ok." draco said since he was in love with me 2.**_ Your plot developement stinks. _** "ur so hawt." drco said. **

**"i kno."**

_I WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE EGO!_

**all 4 now i will update soon fellow goffiks just an intro review**

_No wonder you didn't get any._

Chapter 2

**y aren't u reviewing!**_ Because it stinks._

**fangs (geddit) 2 my 2 bffs**_ You're an idiot._

**dont flame da sory stupid preps**_ Flames do not equal preps. Plenty of real goths hate this and My Immortal. But your bubble does not allow you to process this simple information. Let me guess, you're about to call me a liar?_

**YAY TARA I WANT 2 BE JUST LIKE TARA I EVEN SPELL LIK HER GOFFIK 4EVA**

_Good luck getting a job in life. Hey, I dare you to submit your story to an English/Language Arts teacher. Makes sure to tell us the results._

**i walked in2 draco's dorm **_MAKE NOTE THAT THIS IS DRACO'S DORM AND THAT DRACO IS A BOY! _**2 tlk 2 him. we screwed.**_ Twelve year old having sex is disgusting. The fact that there are twelve year olds having sex makes this a child pornography. It should be deleted._

**"dat was fun." i said.**

**"ya." harry suddenly came in and i covered myself up w/ the blanket cuz i was naked. **

**harry was wearing a black MCR t-shirt. he had blak panties**_ HAHAHAHAHAHA!_** and blak shoes. da shoes had blodstains on dem. he was wearing red contacts and black eyeliner. his hair was dyed black and his scar was changed in2 a pentagram (geddit lke in MI!) **_You can't even come up with your own original material if you keep stealing My Immortal content._

**"harry wat r u doing here dis is da gurls dorm **_WRONG! REFER TO MY NOTE, SHARON! _**and we r busy!" i said.**

**"i bcame goffik 4 u. wanna screw now?"**_ Child pornography._

**"no im not dat kind of gurl. **_Since this girl is supposed to be a twelve year old Ebony: Yes, she is that kind of girl. Are you, too, Sharon? _**get da hell outta here!" harry waked out sueisighdale**_Sharon, this is very stupid. You can't even make the word look like it's original spelling._

**"better now." draco said. we screwed again.**_Third count of child pornography._

**"lets get burekfast." draco saidl.**_ Sharon likes a good dose of child pornography before breakfast._

**"lets go to Da Goffik Bagal Shoppe." I suhgested.**_ Does not exist._

**"Sure." there were no empty tables so we took a seat next 2 a goffik gurl.**

**"im Eternity." I said.**_ She means Sharon Preppy Poser 'Goffick' Princess Pink Mary-Sue._

**"i kno u r so kuwl." **_Go back to Kindergarden and learn to spell. _**she said. "im herman, **_Is this an OC? _**but ill change it."**

**"ill change it 4 u herman." i said. **_EGO! _**"how about... DARK'NESS!"**

**"ya! im Dark'ness!" (geddit lik Tara."**_ Stolen, unoriginal content._

Chapter 3

**DONT FLAME DA SORY PREPS1 FANGS 2 MY GOFFIK FRIENDS AND 2 DA GOOD REVIOWERS. DANKS 2 GOOGGLE TRANSLATE 4 DA HELP WITH LATIN.**

_Take a lesson from Tara - telling everyone to stop flaming tends to NOT work._

**bye da next week i had made ma group of friends.**

**first was Dark'ness. she used to be named herman but she changed it. **_ No duh. _**she killed her muggle parents cuz they werent her paents her parenmts were 2 werewerolves an herman killed the muggas cuz dey new but dey dindnt teller.**_ That's a terrible reason to commit murder._

**dere was also Ron aka Hades. we were very close and i liked his soullessness**_ It resonates with your lack of a soul. All you have is garbage._

**also Hades' sis Gernney is now Amythest,**_ Poor Ginevra Molly Weasely._

**nevel is Tempest.**_ At least it isn't Navel, like Tara thought._

**harry was still a totall poser every1 else couldnt believe they were friends wit him.**_ What do have against Harry?_

**we were in middle of a satanist ritual. **_Let me guess - you were crying over the fact Sharon turned you all into shameless Mary Sues and Gary Stues?_

**"Laudamus Satan. Da nobis virtute daemonum. Modo possumus imperare. Placere auxilium Faciamus Gothorum mundi. Nos regnabo." (AN: it means We worship Satan. Give us the power of demons. That way we can control. Please help us make the Gothic world. we shall reign. it's Latin)**_ You already said that, moron._

**"Qui reget?" we heerd a big voice say. we all spoke Latin so we knew what he said. **_That's already known, idiot. _**(AN: means who will rule?"**

**"Aeternitas fortium dominabitur." we all sad. (Eternity will rule)**_ Just because her name is a word doesn't mean you use the Latin Translation._

**"Ego tibi dabo potestatem dæmonium." Satan said. (I will give you the power of the devil.)**_ Latin is a Roman language, not Satanic. Then again, Sharon probably thinks the Romans were Satanists. Here's a history lesson for you, Sharon: Satanism didn't exist. The Romans worshiped Roman deities before converting to Christanity. But I guess in your eyes that makes them preps and posers, right? Preps, posers, and goths didn't exist back then. Are you going to say that they did?_

**We all felt weird as he gave us the same powers as he.**_ Your utterly poor descriptive skills amaze me._

**"Danks Satan!" I said. "Let's go kill preps!"**_ You die first._

Chapter 4

**STOP FLAMING DA STORY GO MA IMMORTA**

**MCR ROX**_ MCR BROKE UP!_

**DA TITLE HAS BEAN CHANGED 2 Welcome 2 Da Black Parade**

**We went 2 da front of da buildang (geddit, dang) and i stood there. i did a spell and all da preps and posers died.**_ Your poor descriptions will never cease to amaze me. Even Tara did a better job, and we all know her description skills are beneath the bar._

**"YAY!1" WE SHOUTED. nOW wE CouLD GET ica CREA,M. **_ I love ice cream. _**More imporanly was dat Harry da poser wiyd staph boderin ma. we went inside and i gassssssssped.**_ Le gasp!_

**It was... H._...-...-...-.-.-.-.-..A...-...-...-...-...-...R ...-...-...-...-...-...R...-...-...-...-...Y!11111 111111111111**_ Again, I dare you to give this to a teacher._

**HARRY DA POSER!**_ Pose, pose, kick, pose._

**(a good place ta stahp but ill continue cuz its short i want 2 plz ma goffik reviowers)**_ You have none._

**"i told u i warent a poser," Harry said. I hugged.**_ Sentence fragment._

**"YEA! U CAN BE DRACULA!" **_Yuck._

**"DRACULA FTW!" Dark'ness said.**_ I fear for Harry and Ginny's children as well as Hermione and Ron's, and Draco and Astoria's son._

**"Should we kill all the preps and poseas or just da ones in hogwarts?" Tempest asked.**_ Who is this, again? You can't just rename the characters._

**"Duhjust in hogwarts. If everyone is goffik no one is goffik." I said wisely.**_ You are a fool._

**"Ur rite." We went inside an saw a posta for a concert**_ I'm bored._

**"Pluz we need slaves."**_ I perfer man servants. At least they get paid._

**"good point."**

**MCR GC EVINESCENE TREE DAYZ GRACE PARAMORE R AT HOGSMEADE IN 5 MINS the posta said.**_ Oi vey._

**"LETS GO**_ kill Sharon - I mean Echo!_

Chapter 5

**We got ta hogsmeat in 2 mins, 3 mins earlay. I wasa waring ma blak eyelina and white foundaton w/ blooda lips. I was wearing (geedid wear-ring cuz u wear rings) a skull ring (C) black fishnets a MCR TDG GC Evincene Paramor tee. it was fom hot topic an made speciity for da concertiol. It was a wizad-only concert cuz all the bad members wer wxards. (haha i got 69 wirds)**_ What's with the random centering?_

**we litened 2 da muzic now cuz it took 3 mins to describer my grate cltioerhes. **_O.O_

**"YA YA GO DA BANDS!" Every1 cried sexily. **_Sound like it would induce ear bleeding. _**Draco and I did it during da concert. so did tempest and dracula (rent b guys tota hawwwties) **_I sincerely hope you don't harrass bisexual and homosexual guys in real life to 'act sexah' for you. And two more counts of child pornography._

**"OH YEA OH YEA OH YEA OH YEA OH YEA"**

**BREAK AWAY FOM EVERY1 da tree days grace guy said.**_ At least Tara could get her lyrics right. She probably copied and pasted them, but still._

**"I CANT REMEMBER HIS NAME!" I SAID OVER da MuScdicf**

**"WHATEVS!" WE WERE HI**

_What sense was this meant to make?_

Chapter 6

**no flames danks 2 ma goffik fiend Velvet 4 da betas (geddit lik danks 4 da venom, danks 4 da betas?)I luv yea (ew nawt like dat) **_No one suggested it but you. Now, Sharon, don't be ashamed of your lesbian desires. You were born that way, honey. _**even dough u like GC more dan MCR as long as u lik MCR its ok and Gerard is hot just so u kno readers. **_As if you're the only one who knows what he looks like. And how hot someone is is an opinion. _**go ta chapta 3 for charter names.**_NO._

**MCR ROX STILL**_ They broke up!_

**we wer on ours way (geddit lik gerard way) **_I feel bad of Gerard. _**bck 2 hme 4 da holloween nall. i was goin 2 go as a vamp (geddit cuz she really is a vvampy.) **_That ruins the point. _**i added som queenly stuff cuz i was da queen of hell. **_Oh, you're the queen, alright. The queen of stupidity. You know that crown belongs to Tara and Jennie, Sharon. I never thought someone would steal it. _**ma date was draco who was dressed as demon prisinor. he a\was ma prisoner an he had da sexiest eva.**_ I see more child pornography is on the way._

**tempest was going with dracula. (arent bi guyszz so hawt) **_Other people's sexual orientation and actions are NOT your business. _**tempest was slendaman an Dracula was ben drowned. (dey were boat creepaypaystats)**_ Don't care._

**dark'ness and hades were going 2gedder. dark'ness was a goffik kristeen **_ Who the heck is Kristeen? You mean a Christan? Oh, the crusades that will come about... _**and hades was fantom from da fatom of da oprah. **

**Ma fiend Velvet (dat is Velvet mafreind) **_Your girlfriend. _**she was wit Amethest. dey were both bi duh. **_So you have an open relationship? _**velvet was emealy fom da copse bfide. **_Go drown. _**amethest was sally from das nightmare B4 chistmassssss **_ Go drown in a puddle of mud._

**we wet int2a da ball roo**

**hello google sad. **_Hi, Google, why are sad? _**"welcum 2 da (blak parad) blal go dance now BITCHES!"**

**we danced an den voldy came**

**gasp**_ Le gasp!_

Chapter 7

**no flamez i didnt read da books or watch da moviews i jut read ma immorta**

_That makes you even more terrible._

**"r u gonna kill us?" Velvet asked.**_ PLEASE!_

**"no y da fuck wuld i do dat? i am goffik 2 an i want 2 join u guyz pluz i herd dere r no peps or posas in hwarts so me and ma deat deelers fot we shuld stay ere."**_ Tom, Tom, Tom. Now is not the time for one of your plans. Just AVADA KADEVRA them!_

**"u gotta get a cooler name dough." i sad.**

**"wat do u men i got da coolest name eva!" voldy said.**_He's right._

**"it aint goffik so u wiLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... LUCIFER!"**_ Cinderella's step-family's cat._

**"OMFG UR RITE." Lucifur said. "DAT IS DA CooLEST NAME eVA!" LICIFER an lucian starred dancing wen...**_ Sharon suddenly croaked over the fact her OC really is a Mary Sue._

**dDAT Suepid (geddut like mary sue WHICH ETERNITY IS NAWT** _Denial isn't just a river in Egypt. _**) Fudge guy came. and he didnt even have anny fuckin fudge**_ Is this supposed to be humourous?_

**"fuk off fudge u dodnt even got cfusdge. ur a hipohcrite." luci killecd wem**_ So's Sharon and Echo._

**"YEAH!" SWE DAMCED/**_ Let's all make up nonsense words!_

Chapter 8

**SOMEONE MADE A MEANIE COMMENTARY BOUT MY STORYE! WAT DA FUK! EVERY1 GO FLAM HER DA LIK IS ON MA PAG AN HERE**_ I was more mature than that when I was three years old._

**www. fanfiction s/ 9617465/ 1/ Welcome-To-The-Black-Parade-by-RayneTaraG-Commenta ry**_ Pure genuis right here, people._

**JUST TAKE OUT DA DAMN SPACES BITCHES**_ One way to keep readers is to NOT INSULT THEM._

Chapter 9

**SORRY HAD CHANGES**

_Meh._

Chapter 10

**IMMA MAKE A COMENTARY OF THE COMENTARY HA TAKE DAT**

**NO FLAMEZ**

_Flames galore!_

**"U MODAFUDGING (geddit) **_No, I don't, stupid. _**GOFFIKS I WILL KILL U ALL!" WHO COULD IT BE**

**IT WA FUDGE-WUDGY KINS.**

**"FUK OFF FUDGE."**

**"no i dont want 3." i killed him**

**GO ETERNITY" every1 said.**

**"UR QUEEN OF ENGLAND NOW!**_ No, Elizabeth II is. Then Charles will be king, then William, then George. Sharon probably has no idea who these people are, though._

**5 MINUTES LATER**_ Stupid transition in everything but humour - which this isn't._

**I sat in ma throne as dumbdore explained**

**"ur queen cuz u killed de queen fom B4." I looked up fom our gam of battaship.** _God save the Queen, Elizabeth II!_

**"B4 is a hit." i sad.**_ Sharon doesn't make sense. I wonder if she'll accuse me of not making sense in a poor attempt to make a comeback._

**"no i was taking bout u killin fudge who used ta be da queen but ill put it down anyway."**_ Fudge is a male; he cannot be a Queen._

**"dats cheatin."**

**"no."**

**"yes."**

**"no it aint."**

**"YES IT IS GUARDS TAK HIM 2 AZKABAN!" DA GUaRD TOKo him 21 akABANF.**

_Sharon, Sharon, Sharon. You are an utter simpleton._

Chapter 11

**NO FLAMEZ**_ Flames away!_

**DANKS 2 DA BETAS ANYDING NOT IN MI SHE EXPAINS 4 ME **_This beta either does not exist or is troll. And I'm not talking under the bridge trolls, Sharon._

**I DIDNT EVEN RUN IT IN DA BOOKS AND MOVES DEY WERE GOFFIK 2 MA FRIEND VELV SAD SO**

_You're girlfriend is either an idiot or a troll, then._

**we dicided 2 gfiv lucifur a makeover. i was wering blak mcr fishnets. ma blak boots reached ma thighs and ha maruy manson ll over d4e,m. i had white foundation black eyeline blak mascra blak eyeshow. i wore a shit made outta DA SOULS PF PREPS!**_ So...you were naked? Souls are invisible._

**VOldy no w weore the same clodes as me but da guy vershion. he tolde me da sory of how he was evil and his parents sad he EWAS nawt a wizzy but he was. **_His mother died giving birth to him. His father didn't want him, so he didn't raise him. _**so he ate dem. **_That's laughable._

**"dat is goffik." i sad. "but unfortuenly da attor gotta go cuz shees buzaY.**_ Are we breaking the fourth wall in a non-humourous way? For shame._

Chapter 12

**don fuk w/ me bithes **_ I believe I already have._

**no flamedx**_ Yes, flames._

**ma find aint lying 2 me gimme prof she is!**_ Hand this in to a teacher. See what they say._

**Fuiukkjkdjfkjadskfjadskjfkdjfkjasjfdsajfkdjfljslad kjfjldffdsjadfskjk;dsaflkjdfs **

dfsjkl

lkjdflkjdfsjkldfsldkfjsdkfj**kdsfjksdjfjdfskalsdfjlskjffadskjlkajf jlkasdjfa;lskdfjjkjjjk k **

_Yup, no sense at all._

**"ma lige." ma cour jesta sad. "dumbdore broke outta azkaban. voldy is here 2 tal 2 u."**

_No, he's there to kill you._

**"okey-dokey." i said. Lucifer came.**_ The cat from Disney's Cinderella?_

**"u gotta go 2 da past wen dumblydoreywhorey was jus a teen an u gotta have sex w/ him so he he wont be evil cuz hes been a virgin for thousends of yers an datll make any1 go mad dude."**_ You're still stealing from Tara. So, when are you going to kill off your best (girl)friend over a poster and sweater, then bring them back to life because you got over it?_

**"but i dont wanna have sex with him! is dere any otter way?" i sad.**_ The child pornopgraphy gets worse. Now she's doing it with an adult._

**"no, fix hes virginity an itll be butter." **_I LIKE BUTTER! _**i went 2 go brake da news 2 drako.**

**"draks i gots sum bad news."**

**"wat?" draco sad in a deprezzed way. "did some1 commit suecide? (geddit suecide mary sue with etgernity is till nawt.) **_Suicide is not a topic to joke about. And she is a Mary-Sue. Would like me to count the ways?_

**"no i gotta go 2 da past an have sex w/ dumbles so her wont me an evil virgin.** _Virgins aren't evil. Well, then again, Sharon's a virgin who's into child pornography..._

**"dats ok." i got mad.**_ Meh._

**"WHAT THE FUK DRACO U SUPOZED 2 B MAD AND SAD AND SUICIDAL UR SUPPOZED TA ATEMT SUICIDE CUZ U LUV ME!"**_ There once was a Mary sue~_

**"y da fuk wuld i do dat? i like u n all bu we jut startud datin.../ imma not gones comit sueicide ova it its not lik ur gonna die its just sex-**_ YEAH! SOMETHING NORMAL! THANK YOU!_

**"JUST SEX NAW DAT AINT TO!"**

**"sex aint luv."**_ You just earned a bit of repsect! Try not to lose it._

**"YES IT IS UR A POSA WERE OVA!" I STOMPED AWAY!**_ HAHAHAHAHA! THANK YOU FOR THE LAUGH!_

Chapter 13

**DANKS VELV U CHANED A LOTA STUFF BUT I TRUS U I DIDN EVEN REREAD IT! **_That's an idiotic move._

**i was werin ripped fishnets, a blak misshirt w/ fuck on da bak. I HAD A HAT DAT SAD preprs suk on it. im not a slut.**_ Yeah, you are. What makes it worse is that you are twelve._

**i told dracula da newx.**

**"dats whoreible/ (geddeit whore with eternity is**_ She is a whore._**) "IMMA Aslit ma rist cuz a it!"**

**"wely?"**

**"ya, sex mens luv an u cant do dat." it was in dat bowel movement Dat i fell in luv wit dracula.**_ And you've lost the half an ounce of respect._

**"i fink i can do it for da grater good." i said. den i jumped in2 da blak hole dat apparated.**_ BOR-IIIIIINNNNGGGG!_

**20 MINS LATER... ORTHOSANDS A YEARS PERVIOUS... WHATWEVS.**_ SSSSTTTUUUUPPPIIIIIDDDDDD!_

**" ru okey." a hasome guy sad. "u passed out. he was wering a marilyn mansone tee a n sezay blak pants. he had goffik red eyes.**

**"i am dumbadore."**_ Le gasp... I'm falling asleep from the sheer poor attempt at drama._

**GASP GASP GASPITY GASP**

_Hey! That's my line!_


End file.
